If only I had known! The saying that all ignorant fools use in retrospection. It is so easy to look back and utter that damnable phrase, because it seems to absolve all parties of all responsibility. Anyhow, back to the story.
I could not sleep for a week. I had in my mind of a decapitated young woman and her baby that just would not leave me. I saw it as clear as the sun is yellow. Every night in my dreams it haunted me. I saw that dead decaying baby;that poor soul who never even had the chance to begin its life. How did it feel when it was forcefully cut out of the protective barrier of the womb? Did it hear or feel in its mother's final desperate and painful moments, before it too was swallowed up forever? How can it be that such a monster could do such a thing. I fear I amy be obsessing too much on this but I cannot help myself.
The thought of a pure, young and lucious virginal woman, and her inocent, undeveloped, and precious baby being slowly slaughtered in such a horrible and cold blooded manner just sends a rage of chills up my spine.
I am haunted in my dreams every night of the form of that hideous freakish monster like decapitaed baby rising over my bed. The image makes me want to puke. It is half eaten, with half a head, and a missing leg. there is a big gash in its soft and tender chest where the vital organs once were. Already it is starting to decay. Worst of all is what it says to me:
"You could have saved me. you could have saved my mommy. Why didn't you?"
That infernal voice, as pure as any childs could be drives me to rip out my hair and bite my nails to my stubs.
Anyhow, I have this incessant drive to enact mt pennance for these two dear souls.
why should I care, I didn't do it?
Its not like that, I was so close, that I could feel the torment and desperation of the mother as she tried in her futile attempt to escape.
"Help me, Please, will someone please help me?"
I hear her scream as clearly in my head right now as I could on that night
But there was more, even as I continued on my walk I could her her silent cries
"why won't anyone help me and my baby. Please, stop it, please be merciful. Please oh please"
And all I did was walk away. Does that make me really any more better than the monster who did this?
The truth is that I was in the power to at least try to save her but I was too selfish. I cared too much for the preservation of my own life, then I did for the life of that woman.
That is why I am the monster
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